exis ten tialism. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. Microwaves, How does an attorney sleep? I told you it was tear-able. Every day its Dublin. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States 10/4 - Pun for 10-4, which is similar to saying "roger that" 9/11 - No intention of being offensive with this one. She was a, The two pianists had a good marriage. quincen ten nial. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over, I guess they appreciate the gravity of the situation (not), It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally, Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. That includes Hyrule, Link himself, and of course, the fans that . I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time. A: A commentator, Q: How do you put a baby alien to sleep? Surprisingly, eggs aren't just for inspiring puns, they also make vital centerpieces to egg-squisite breakfasts and brunches. Red paint. Her: No. Best feeling at the end of the day is taking the bra off. - Stewart Francis, New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group, Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted, Residents Warned to Protect Fish and Hens to Avoid Otter Devastation, Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam, You don't have to be a cat lover to love these, Feeling hungry for some humor? A guy trying to rob a disco: "Everybody, hands up in the air!". What did one flag say to the other? Without missing a beat my dad pipes in "that's because 7 8 9!". Why did the dog run after the book? The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart. 37million dollars. Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? These silly wordplay jokes about stags will amuse the whole family! I've spent all day readingit was bound to happen. 3. Hey Pandas, Post A Picture Of A Cat Being Naughty, 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. Do you have a rewards card with us? 26. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. It was a mean thing to say! There is a mysterious story in 2 Kings that can help us understand what is happening in the Transfiguration. Writing about time travel takes so much creativityyou have to think outside the clocks. Who needs one pun when you can have two? What would you get if you'd put a lawyer in a suit? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays, Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?". About 10 minutes later the family are queued for my till. Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt? It caused me a lot of baggage but I must carry on. Wife: "Come on little bug, and get some supper." So scroll down below, vote for the funniest, and let us know what you think! They both start losing their shit. That was a real lightbulb moment, really lit me up! Yes! And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, "False Frugalities": 45 Examples Of People Trying To Save But Actually Losing Money, "Can't Approve Overtime? One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" See you Tuesday!". German children are always kinder. One neighbors Wi-Fi really stood out: You Kids Get Off My LAN!. Because it is never right. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A friend was in a theatre production about English language puns. The husband, surprised, pulls his out. and I burst into tears. Why did the detective go to the library? Check out these examples of puns in literature for more fun puns from your favorite authors. How many trains did you derail last year?" I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. For some reason, sometimes you use Q in the equations, and sometimes you use 2*Q. Tom: gives answer It doesnt make any cents, What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? What do you call an ant who won't go away? Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Because they have two left feet! All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up. 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(Credit: justbadpuns.com). 3. I was literally the only person in our 10 person class who laughed at those. Bud Abbott: Thats the way you feel about it, thats the last time I ask you for a loan of $50. Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.). made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes, [also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]. Why was King Arthur's army too tired to fight? I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. OK, that was weird, I went on serving. It ended in a tie! He leaves podium as she says gratefully, "thank you. 3/10 - Mar10 Day - Nintendo's Mario Day Did you hear about the 2 silk worms in a race? Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! My daughter received $46 cash in a birthday card, I knew you'd say that (xpost from r/TalesFromRetail), Baby robot says to his dad I have to go potty.. Patient: Doctor, I've lost my memory. Be no giving birth to a copper then , a real pig sty. 140+ Nerdy Pick Up Lines for Geeks. Join the free Readers Digest Book Club for great reads, monthly discussions, author Q&As and a community of book lovers. A repeat 6 offender if you will. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak. 24. Reading Skills. I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. Im not really a mourning person. Bud Abbott: Thats right. But unlike most of us, some were born into this world with a rare love for commas, apostrophes, and missing letters. Examples of puns in headlines and advertising include: You can also get a pint-sized laugh out of some pun examples for kids. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. I havent been to the library in a whilehow Dewey find the books? Sal: I only have my shelf to blame. It had too many sleepless knights. Me: What numbers divide evenly into 43? So get cozy in your favorite reading nook, be a little a bit shelf-ish, and absorb all the book puns your heart can handle. But an accidental pun can make the headline pretty confusing! Don't check the fridges; check out these, Animals are funny enough without the wordplay, but these. Unless, of course, you play bass." I understand the joke, but cant see the pun. You'll find homographs, which are defined as words that are spelled the same way but have different meanings, in homographic puns. I lost my mood ring, and I don't know how I'm feeling about that, Guy walks into a bar and lays a dead giraffe on the floor. Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. Tell your dog Akvile said hi! (n.) "a Conceit arising from the use of two Words that agree in the Sound, but differ in the Sense" [Addison]; "An expression in which the use of a word in two different applications, or the use of two different words pronounced alike or nearly alike, presents an odd or ludicrous idea" [Century Dictionary]; 1660s (first attested in Dryden), a word of uncertain origin. Ill do algebra, Ill do trig. Have we met? Egg-straordinarily bad egg puns are the way forward at Easter so we thought we'd put together a cracking list of the most egg-ceptional eggs puns out there. Nothing - but it let out a little whine. She told her daughter: "Honey, if you say that you are four we are going to pay less. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? 20. "Make me one with everything." 2. Because seven ate nine. Attire. Here are the top 10: 1. For those that don't get it, it's Avogadro's constant, whose value is: 6.02214110^23. I was in the waiting room of a small hospital this morning, with about 4-5 other people. To say hello from the other side. A: An investigator, Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear? that means a lot.". Johnny says, "Eddie Murphy! Remember too that good deez nuts jokes are crude and super annoying! Algebros. Answer: Ration. TikTok video from Carmonyyy (@carmonyyy): "Not related but her words #foryou #makeitviral #loosingsupport #alightmotion_edit #carmon444 #newaccount #growupwithme #goviral #2gbplayer #freefire #idfreezed". On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Please enter your email to complete registration. The public safety officer shook his head and muttered, Who can resist a Barbie queue?. 6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down. Whisker-ed away. 5. 28. He laughed, said he remembered it, then said "well, why don't you count up the red ones again, see what you get? I'll never forget the day I first met my wife. Loser-esque yet hilarious, unbearably foolish yet clever at the same time - puns will never get boring, even if they'd be the last jokes left on Earth. Akvile is a list curator at Bored Panda. Ten-ants. Tom: Y. . Black comedy, also known as dark comedy, morbid humor, gallows humor, or dark humor is a style of comedy that makes light of subject matter that is generally considered taboo, particularly subjects that are normally considered serious or painful to discuss.Writers and comedians often use it as a tool for exploring vulgar issues by provoking discomfort, serious thought, and amusement for their . Everything you need over 50% OFF. 101 Best Bad Funny Puns 1. Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. However, every time we would, we would get different answers, so we'd recount, then get different answers again! But it doesn't matter how kind you are. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. My uncle looks up from his phone, after being silent for the past 10 mins, and says "make sure you text it in Braille. Why not go out on a limb? English critic and poet, Samuel Johnson once said of puns, "If I were punished for every pun I shed, there would not be left a puny shed of my punnish head.". A. Bud Abbott: Dont change the subject. Compound puns include two punny words in one statement, or they rely on the sound of two words blended together to make the joke. Here are our picks for the funniest books of all time. A. The bartender says "Hey..what's that lyin' there." Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. What do deer love to read in their spare time? Puns are ubiquitous (whether we like it or not) and while hilarious puns are complex linguistic feats that demand respect, bad puns are dangerously easy to make (and can also be surprisingly funny). Vampire Puns. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Saber-Toothed tiger a Lightsaber-Toothed tiger? I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? ", We agreed, and got to it. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Score a home run with these hilarious baseball puns and jokes! Writers are always cold because theyre surrounded by so many drafts. Rays friends claim hes a baseball nut. It was a booby trap, Aint that the truth, boobs feel trapped in bras. It empowers the small, it supports the big and keeps the masses together. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! I see a bee, I keep it. Batting A Thousand: The Funniest 150+ Baseball Puns You'll Ever Catch. Here's a fun fact: the word noon comes from the Latin word "nona hora," which translates to "ninth hour." During medieval times, noon fell every 3 PM. My weekend is fully booked. They were still arguing when the train hit them. How many trains did you derail last year? I said, Cant say A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Go sit on that. Related: Pumpkin Quotes. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. Come on, dole them out, we'd all benefit. 22. When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue. Incident #2: On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. 5/4 - May the 4th be with you - A pun on "May the force be with you." I don't know Y. and I burst into tears. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. and They're funny because they're true in both interpretations of the word, and they are best understood when read. Because she knew she wasnt greater than or less than anyone else. 29. She devotes 99% of her time to snuggling with her cats and 100% of her money to following Harry Styles around on tour. More From Thought Catalog. 9/11 reads like the emergency phone number used in the United States There is Rick Gastly (which we'll get to later), Fearow to the knee, The Taming of the Sandshrew, and so on. What is red and smells like blue paint? So let's all take a break from the world and enjoy these 65 hand-selected puns that are guaranteed to make you groan, and then laugh, and maybe even forget all the insanity and jaw-clenching stress in the worldif only for a few minutes. Man responds: Youre welcome. Everyone has said stupid stuff 5 years ago let's be honest 3. Fur score and seven years ago; Did you need me to . The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation. Q: Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop? If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple, Q: What do you get when two dinosaurs crash their cars? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Punny Food Pickup Lines That Guarantee a Chuckle, Chemistry Jokes Every Science Nerd Will Appreciate, I Tried TikToks Favorite Self-Tanning Drops, and They Made My Winter Skin Glow, 105 Silly Valentines Day Puns to Make Your Sweetheart Smile, 50 Thanksgiving Puns That Will Make Your Dinner Guests Bust a Gut, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. A pun directly plays with the sounds and meanings of words to create new and surprising sentences. Her: No. Examples of compound puns are: One hundred hares have escaped the zoo, so police are combing the area. These ambiguities can arise from the intentional use of homophonic, homographic, metonymic, or figurative language.A pun differs from a malapropism in that a malapropism is an incorrect variation on a correct expression . Litter Cat Puns. Sorry I can't hang. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar Teacher: Alright, and what are we integrating with respect to? Jokes help teach kids word sounds, meanings of certain words, a bigger vocabulary and even practice spelling. Dad: The oven's only big enough for a turkey! A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. You can also find amazing math puns you're looking for with 45 math puns that are better than pi itself. How could it be that 7 ate 9? Homophonic puns use homophones or near-homophones to be funny the punchline is in the double meaning of the word. 2. It really made waves when I came home with it! Ive spent all day readingit was bound to happen. A dino-snore. LENT II Sunday (March 5): Gn 12:1-4a; II Tm 1:8b-10; Mt 17:1-9. I wanted to visit the local library, but it was overbooked. Me: Correct! His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da. The ceremony wasn't much, but the, I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a, The cartoon animator felt imprisoned by his job. The Pun Also Rises. A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter. Read these funny pun examples for a quick chuckle. (This was ranked #1): A woman gets on a bus with her baby. referee be a game warden? Privacy Policy. | The Pun Guys The Pun Guys 549K subscribers Subscribe 20K 742K views 4 years ago A much longer, funnier version of our original "Spontaneous Puns". All I did was take a day off, The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran, My dad farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels, A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. Whether youre an avid reader, a writer, a librarian, or just someone who appreciates the English language, these book puns are bound to make you smile, just like these clever jokes that make you sound smart (or these grammar memes thatll crack you up). That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak, I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. 6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. asks the bartender. This tiny portion of humankind is known as the . The girl nods and the bus arrives. Tom: explains what numbers go where Its the best I got. Whats a comedians favorite book? An ion is an atom with either a negative or positive electrical charge, and a rat is a rodent. Fine guy, wont loan a pal $50. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. Man asks widow if he can say a word at the funeral. Ooops! Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too. It's been a while since we've written about fun language games, and you know what they say: Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. They can be homographic, homophonic or both. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. ", Not that funny when retold, but it was hilarious then, First off my dad is legally blind. Itll definitely take you somewhere. School is long since over, but a failed English exam keeps haunting you. I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number. Isn't that where all the fruit is? idk if this counts but it was one of my dad's go-to's and the amount of times he did it combined w/ the eye roll punchline made it one to me. He pretty much acknowledged these were cringey jokes and he regrets them. I thought it was a nice, The politician is not one for Indian food. Image ArthurHidden, under a Creative Commons license. However, only the best puns will do; adding too many puns will make readers roll their eyes. RELATED: Chemistry Jokes Every Science Nerd Will Appreciate. Albert Sloan. 2. We can use puns to create humorous and imaginative statements that people refer to as wordplay. Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Lou Costello: No, I cant. A mean crook going down stairs = A condescending con, descending, There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Lou Costello: Bud, I cant. We recommend our users to update the browser. But it was just a Fanta sea, When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic, Will glass coffins be a success? As long as there are words that sound similar to the words "deez" or "nuts", many more deez nuts puns will continue to come out. Do you prefer whisker-y or boubon? Hello, gourd-geous. I couldn't if I fried. 47. Close your eyes. A: You rocket, Q: What do you call a thieving crocodile? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. How do you stay warm in any room? Theres something so gratifying about taking word-related words (yes, you read that right) and making jokes out of them. We call him the Village Idiom. Its been shortened to the top 80 images based on user votes. 6. I was hoping you guys could get a number so I wouldn't have to! My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I'd attend a funeral that early over my dead body! "Because he's my newt.". Do people actually think it's worth calling out someone using the word "Wigger"? My boss yelled at me the other day, Youve got to be the worst train driver in history. Three times 7 went to 21's compound. The skit ends with a simple read my mind routine that takes Lous last remaining bill. 5. What are the strongest days of the week? "Well, he's back in town and wants your number.". Ill even do statistics. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. He then asked us, "So if you have 5Q and then 5 more Q, how many do you have? My best friend just told me she doesnt like Lord of the Rings, but she definitely doesnt know what shes Tolkien about. I can tell you like meyou keep checking me out. A: Sofishticated, Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? Baseball is America's favorite pastime, and for a good reason. It's intense tense in tents, A cross-eyed teacher couldnt control his pupils, Let me tell you about my grandfather. A bra is a uniquely democratic tool. Huge List of Funny, Clever, Cheesy and Cute Ten Puns That You Will Love! 10 "I Link, Therefore I Am." This isn't just the rallying cry of many a Link fan, playing on the words "Link" and "think." And it's not just a funny saying either. This is getting worse all the time. One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. 3/11 - There's an awesome band called 311 You can change your preferences. Puns make the world a little bit better! Homily starter anecdotes: # 1 : " O Lord, open his eyes so he may see .". A pun usually uses a word which can have more than one meaning, even if the spelling is different: Sometimes a pun may use a whole phrase that can be heard in more than one way, as in the following knock-knock joke : "Knock-knock!" "Who's there?" "Dishwasher." "Dishwasher Who?" "Dishwasher way I ushed to shpeak before I got my falsh teesh". Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? ", She had a photographic memory but never developed it, Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? 5. Who gives lobsters their Christmas presents? He got in trouble for cooking the books. Its impossible to put down. We got around 24 for the red ones, so went to tell our grandpa. Teenage me cringed, probably gonna do it myself at some point now. Related Topics. Why was the equal sign so humble? I knew there and then that she was the One!! Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. No. I remember that someone completely missed the joke. to read out the numbers. One asks, Whats your favorite kind of music? The other says, Im a big metal fan., Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? 4. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. ( Czech and check, for instance.) She commented, "that's an odd amount." 19. Read up on our best puns ever including our word puns and youll be punstoppable. National Novel Writing Puns Tweet National Novel Writing Month: Flavor of the Puns Tweet Flavor of the month: There's an R in the Puns Tweet There's an R in the month: Puns in a blue moon Tweet Once in a blue moon: Puns more unto the breach, dear friends, Puns more Tweet Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more: Puns to the crunch Tweet Sign up for our weekly newsletters and get: By signing in, you agree to our Terms and Conditions Together they form the word ration, a word on which this pun is based, and which is a controlled allocation of food, goods or other resources. More Cat Puns. 11 was all primed for the party, but when he factored in the whole situation, 12 split for (4) 3s house. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . Why did Adele cross the road? How do you wash your hands at Christmas? I started reading a book about mazesI got lost in it. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? A nervous wreck. Puns that involve words with multiple meanings: The young monkeys went to the jungle gym for some exercise. I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says The Titanic is syncing., How do you make holy water? I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus. Its a shame theyll never meet. unos ten tatious. ; List of forms of word play: This is a list of techniques used in word play.Techniques that involve the phonetic values of words Mondegreen: a mishearing (usually unintentional) . I said, "Cant say for sure, its so hard to keep track!". A poultry-geist, Whaddya call a vampire duck? I'll tell you if you're right. Your account is not active. 40. She's not ill or anything, but she could definitely get better. But it was just a Fanta sea. From pitches to bats, we've got the funniest plays on words in the game. Let us know what you think! Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? What a waste of thyme. Illustration of a Girl Riding a Bicycle With a Pun Example, Bike: Marina Funt / iStock / Getty Images Plus / Background: Tolchik / iStock / Getty Images Plus. 10/23 - National Mole Day (Avogrado's number) 6.02 x 10^23, u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" The number would be put in manually before putting the shopping through and the customer would get back one penny on every pound they spent. 3. 46. Incident #1: She then asked me what number I had taken, and I told her 10. Why was the library so tall? Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. The public safety officer came up to a large mob of people outside a department store and asked, Whats happening? A mall officer replied, These people are waiting to get A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. Litter-patter; Whiskers Cat Puns. My cat is totally litter-ate. Q. The art competition ended in a draw. With hand Santatizer 4. My dogs dont even own bikes, I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. The word bereisheet has three root letters (ROSh), a one letter prefix (B) and a two-letter suffix (eeT). Are you sure you want to borrow all those books? Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months. Verbal Skills. Click here for more information. See? He wanted to check out a mystery. We have an on-and-off relationship. Today in Advanced Microfabrication, we were talking about diffusion into silicon. After saying we weren't sure, we asked how many there were. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13. One of the classic Abbott and Costello routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. Particle Charge Joke. Sadly, he lost his case. Please check link and try again. And the war was over. Embedded puns Then in Notarikon * every letter and every combination of letters is analyzed and understood in its own right. Because youre supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day! In this lesson, we'll talk about Show more Show more Hide chat replay Mix - PUNS IN ENGLISH |. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" 7/10(stolen from r/memes). It had a lot of problems. 1. Both terrible amazing jokes were said today to the same kid, Tom. "My therapist told me, 'A problem shared, is a hundred quid'." - Ivor . Don't interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. How would you rate the quality of the article? Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on. B****, paw -lease. 4. The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. The odd couple. (Closed), I Create Functional And Decorative Art On Functional Items That People Can Use Every Day, And Here Are My Newest 23 Works, Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Count quackula, I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure, I'm on a seafood diet. What do you call the ghost of a chicken? And if the cops ever find out she's in my basementI'm in biiiigggg trouble! Sometimes in life, it's good to try and have little fun with some silly wordplay. Be the wittiest tweeter, texter, and writer wherever you go! A: You're one in a melon. Hedy is a lifestyle writer covering beauty, shopping, and pop culture. It's just for the time of the ride.". Check out the different types of puns, and enjoy additional pun examples to get you laughing! 43. They may be easier to understand, but they're just as funny as the rest of the puns.